I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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