She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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