I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
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i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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