Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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