dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
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Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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