guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
