I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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