Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
