on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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