I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
