I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
