there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
