Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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