my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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