Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
