Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
