Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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