So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wish you could order shots online.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
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he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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