i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
