i jhust puked up my retainher.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
