I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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