my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
