So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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