We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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