i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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