just come out here and I will go home with you...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
