Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize