I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Your dad touched me again.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
