have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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