watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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