There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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