I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
