Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
