I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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