i need an iv and a liver transplant
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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