i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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