she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
