she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
