She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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