i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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