clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
