True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
