Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
