I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
