Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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