i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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