no, he came in my armpit
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Randomize
