Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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