i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
