I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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