It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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