Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize