the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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