i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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