I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize