i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
