Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
