oh god the rape fog is back!
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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