loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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