You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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