I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
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