i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
