We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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