I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
