"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's shark week go big or go home
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
